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Today's jokes [5.25.14]

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What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?  
"Why does it work?"

What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?  
"How does it work?"

What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?  
"How much will it cost?"

What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask? 
"Do you want fries with that?" 


1. 




How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

2. 




Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars 
between them, but they had built up a computer business with 
sales in the millions. Their company employed over two 
hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes.

Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, 
former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill 
and Mahoney blamed each other for the troubles, and they 
parted on unfriendly terms. 

Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped 
for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some crumbs from the 
table, a waiter approached. Weill looked up and gasped.

"Mahoney!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, 
seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this."

"Yeah," Mahoney said, curling his lip. "But I don't eat here."

3. 




A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated 
to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: 
"Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".
The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown 
had a name.
The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, 
but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

4. 




An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and
says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." 
"Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" 
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." 
The friend looks at him quizically.
"Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." 
"What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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