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Today's jokes [5.22.14]

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all day. 


1. 




"So you're writing a down-to-earth story?"

"Yes, about a parachute jumper."



2. 




The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the
brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the
ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says,
"Hey! Cut it out, alright!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with 
his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns
around and cuffs the rear tiger and says,
"I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass 
of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear 
tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get
the taste out of my mouth!"

3. 




Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench 

for three days when one needs a shit.

"I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink"

"There's another trench over there" says the other.

"I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout and

and i'll cover you so you can get back"

"OK"  so the GI runs across while the other fires off the

machine gun.

He's waiting 10 minutes......15.......20....

he shouts out "Are you Ok?".....nothing.



Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting.

"Cover me i`m coming back"

When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have 

you been? you've been gone for over an hour"

"Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her 

tits,fondled her arse,turned her round and fucked her from

behind!"

"It was great!"

"You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?"  

"nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"

Send by Rob Rowell


4. 




   Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to
   heaven?
   Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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