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Today's jokes [5.2.14]

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Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down 
next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he 
asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder 
than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, 
wouldn't you say?"

1. 




BOSSES & TECHNOLOGY

Boss:  "My laptop computer is locked up.  Can you help?"
Dilbert:  "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to
reboot."
Boss:  "Oh, that's right."
Wally:  "I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."

2. 




Commercial:

Do Seagulls Circle your house?
Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?
Do you make people vomit in the elevator?
Try FDS!
Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'



3. 




One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-
influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out
of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five
different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front
seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and
began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded
to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the Designated Decoy." 

4. 




   Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient
   oil lamp in an ash
   can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it.
   Sure enough, out
   popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man
   spoke, his eyes
   bulging with desire. "I wanna be rock hard and get plenty of ass for
   the rest of my life!"
   The genie obediently turned him into a toilet.
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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