Today's jokes [5.2.14]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down
next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he
"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder
than I am."
"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home,
wouldn't you say?"
BOSSES & TECHNOLOGY
Boss: "My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?"
Dilbert: "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to
Boss: "Oh, that's right."
Wally: "I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."
Do Seagulls Circle your house?
Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?
Do you make people vomit in the elevator?
Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-
influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out
of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five
different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front
seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and
began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded
to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the Designated Decoy."
Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient
oil lamp in an ash
can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it.
Sure enough, out
popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man
spoke, his eyes
bulging with desire. "I wanna be rock hard and get plenty of ass for
the rest of my life!"
The genie obediently turned him into a toilet.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31