Today's jokes [5.19.14]
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Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of calcutta when an old
woman walked by. "Hey, Billy Joe," one said, "I think that's Mother
Teresa." "Your nuts." "I'm telling you."
They approached the woman and one asked, "Are you Mother Teresa?" The old
lady eyed them scornfully. "Fuck off, you goddamn perverts," she hissed,
striding off. "Jeez," Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the
crowd, "now we'll never know."
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave,
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says
here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is
written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he
have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he
wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and
asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied,
"When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same
A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow
$200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what
kind of collateral he has. The man says 'I've got a
Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off
-- here are the keys.'
Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays
back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains
possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why
would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow
two hundred dollars?'
The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months,
and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that
long for ten dollars?'
One day, a fellow went for a ride through the park on his bicycle.
The following day, a friend asked him if he would like to do it again.
He replied, "No thanks, I'm not into recycling."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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