Today's jokes [5.14.14]
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How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia.
His mate asked him what it was like.
"Australia's a great place!" Paddy replied. "First they take you home
and fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, they
let you fuck their women whenever you want."
"Is that right?" said his mate very impressed. "I always heard Australians
were real pricks."
"Well," said Paddy, "Only the white ones!"
"Winnie The ????"
It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class.
teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one
they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to
the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she got.
"My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said.
The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the
words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl
try again. The girl thinks real hard ........
"My dad got me a dog," she said.
She sat down and a boy got up and said, "I got a choo-choo!"
The teacher scolded him and told him to try again. The boy thought
and said, "I got an electric train!!"
That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says,
"I got a book" The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks,
"What was the title of the book??"
The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking.
Finally, the boys face brightened and he said,
"Winnie The Shit!!"
A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I
was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the
tiny ones for $10."
Husband: "What about one my size?"
Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"
Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife he'd
had a dream too: "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight
ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10."
Wife: "What about ones like mine?"
Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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