Today's poems [4.21.14]
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Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
Now Mary has a little lamb.
Redneck family tree
Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
When Lady Penelope swoons,
Her tits pop out like balloons.
Parker stands by,
With a gleam in his eye,
And pops them back in with warm spoons.
The was a young man from Dundee,
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp.
When asked "did it hurt",
He said "No, not a bit,
It can do it again if it wants."
On a bridge overlooking a ravine
Archibald was screwing Kathleen.
The force of his lunge
Caused the whole bridge to plunge.
The worst fucking disaster yet seen.
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