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Today's jokes [4.7.14]

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It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed
to confess, so he went to his Priest. 
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in 
my attic." 
"Well," answered the Priest, "That's no a sin." 
"But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed." 
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." 
"Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more 
question." 
"What is it son." 
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

1. 




Q: What's the worst thing about washing your cat?
A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.

2. 




A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't 
have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back 
to their new apartment after the wedding.

The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing 
practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, 
and the third a dentist.

They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married 
friends. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed
so that when they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. The 
ordinary guy decided to short sheet the bed, so that when they got 
into it their feet wouldn't reach the bottom. The dentist chuckled 
and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.

A week later the 3 friends all received letters in the mail. "Dear 
friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we got into bed, the
bed collapsed, or the guy that short sheeted it, but I'm gonna kill
the bastard that put the novacaine in the vaseline!" 

3. 




What do you do when you're finished fucking a ten year old girl?
A: Turn her over and pretend she's a ten year old boy!



4. 




One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car in the girl's 
driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into 
his pants and placed his cock in her hand.
She froze, jumped up and said, "I've got two words for you, DROP DEAD!"
Then he said, "I've got two words for you, LET GO!".

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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