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Today's jokes [4.28.14]

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How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

1. 




Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

2. 




How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?

If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the
same time and still know which one to spit out.

3. 




   A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost.
   On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel
   tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sargent
   leading the tour, what the camel was for.
   
   The Sargent replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the
   men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the
   camel."
   
   The Captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's
   all right with me."
   
   After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could
   not stand it anymore, so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
   
   The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's
   quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous
   sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and
   was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the
   enlisted men do it?"
   
   The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into
   town."
   


4. 




Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously
much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members
were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing
up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever
tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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