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Today's jokes [4.27.14]

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A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right
thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits,
and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said
that he had discovered the main problem. 
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,
and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "this
is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" 
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what
time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"


Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood. 


The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. 
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up 
into the sky and tell me what you see." 

The CO said "I see millions of stars." 

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?" 

CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of 
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells 
me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. 
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day 
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?" 

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent." 


What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?

A mobile sperm bank.


Handy guide to modern science:
If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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