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Today's jokes [4.22.14]

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A guy hears a knocking on his door.  He opens it up, and no
one is there.  He looks all around and he finally sees a
little snail sitting on the doormat.  He picks it up and
throws it across the street into a field.

Ten years go by, and one day he hears a knocking on his
door.  He opens it up and no one is there.

He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail
sitting on the doormat.

The snail looks up and says, "What the hell was that all


   This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a
   coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her
   wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her
   and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my
   God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.
   She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It
   figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices
   is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner
   jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with
   his drink.
   "What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and
   almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come
   in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in
   "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to
   catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"


At a posh Las Vegas casino, a blackjack dealer and a player with a 13 
count in his hand are arguing about whether or not it is appropriate to 
tip the dealer. The player says, "When I get bad cards, it's not the 
dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously 
has nothing to do with that either, so why should I tip him?" 
The dealer replies, "When you eat at a restaurant do you tip the waiter?" 
"Yes," the gambler concedes. 
"Well then, he serves you food; whether it's good or bad isn't up to him. 
By the same token, I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me." 
"OK," says the gambler, "but the waiter gives me what I ask for.
I'll take an 8."


How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.


Two hookers were on a street corner.  They started discussing business,
and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in
the air."

The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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