Today's jokes [4.18.14] Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is. "Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun to my head". "Jesus Christ! What happened?" "He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!" "Yeah, then what?" "Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
A guy is screwing a great looking blonde. The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?" He replies, "No." She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!! I don't want to get that again...!"
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she said , "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards? New Age music.
Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. "Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left." His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."
Love, Mary
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
