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Today's jokes [4.18.14]

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A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about
10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly.
The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and
put a gun to my head".
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"

1. 




A guy is screwing a great looking blonde. 
The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?" 
He replies, "No." 
She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!!
I don't want to get that again...!"

2. 




A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she 
said , "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you 
reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.

3. 




What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?

     New Age music.

4. 




Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of 
lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left." His 
partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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