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Today's jokes [4.16.14]

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There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the 
husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year 
old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son's room 
and says "Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with 
mademoiselle Ginette ?" "Oh yes papa, I remember very well" says the son. 
"Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same 
thing"

1. 




What do you call a gay bar that has no chairs?

- A fruit stand. 

2. 




A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his 
tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that 
such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men 
were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here 
lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the 
tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" 

3. 




How can you identify an blind pirate?

He's the one with patches over both eyes. 

4. 




This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend
"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy
a horse, I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or
female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" 
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse s mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
"Ok, what about the earsth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one
more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I d like to see her twat," said the midget.
With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head up
the horse's twat, then pulled him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase.
I'd like to see her run!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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