Today's jokes [4.15.14]
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A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is
sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!
Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to
gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and
proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he
finishes the disgusted bartender says "Why in the hell did you shit on my
bar?" The drunk replies "Even Elvis had to clear his throat!"
Sent by Paul
Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky
Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was.
They ask the waiter who replies "Oh Sister, those are nuts."
She answers "Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?"
"No. The kind you rock on a crack."
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the
local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He
decided to seek compensation for his ailment.
Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is
interviewed by an assessor.
Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish
to claim compensation.
Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.
Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to
protect you from radiation poisoning?
Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.
Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?
Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.
Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?
Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.
Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead
suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept
in a lead container.
Trucker: Yeah, thatís right. All lead.
Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for
Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.
What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh?
A home-sick abortion.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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