Today's jokes [4.14.14]
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Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would
take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q: How can you tell a blonde has been working on the
A: There is white out on the screen
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a heck of a lot better than
the penalty for murder!
One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not
finding his mother in the
kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
He opens the door,
and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for
lunch, stripped naked,
on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking.
Not wanting to
traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
Billy watches, and after a
couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?"
"Of course, Son,
we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his
moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is
where me and the
mailman usually falls off!"
How Shit Happens
In the Beginning was The Plan
And then came the Assumptions
And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance
And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers
And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying
"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong,
such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,
"It promotes growth and is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
"This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
Company, and in these Areas in particular."
And the President looked upon The Plan,
And saw that it was good, and The Plan became Policy.
And this is how Shit Happens.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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