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Today's jokes [4.13.14]

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Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their
   picture.


1. 




Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders.
Because they can never keep two calves together.


2. 




A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating.
She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are
all berry hungry."
The waitress begs the question, "So, how is whacking-off in
the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"
One of the other Japanese men replies,
"The menu say,FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"


3. 




The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't 
be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and 
theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the 
house is robbed while it's burning down. 

4. 




A man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store.  The man said 
to the judge, "Your Honor, I'm a Christian. I've become a new man. But I 
have and old nature also. It was not my new man who did wrong.  It was my 
old man."
The judge responded, "Since it was the old man that broke the law, we'll 
sentence him to 60 days in jail. And since the new man was an accomplice 
in the theft, we'll give him 30 days, too.  I therefore sentence you both 
to 90 days in jail."



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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