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Today's jokes [4.12.14]

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In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.

1. 




For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his 
wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they 
return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting 
for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, "This was 
the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th 
anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 
50th anniversary!" Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the 
cheek, and said, "I'm going to come back and get you"

Sent by Scott

2. 




A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a
robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to
the bartender,
"This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" 

The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" 
The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" 
The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! 
I'll do whatever you say!" 
The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and 
says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!" 
"Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" 
The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited,
he drops the gun. 
The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back
to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends
might walk in!" 

3. 




Q:What did the man say when he walked 
into a bar?

A:OUCH!

Sent by Sarah

4. 




Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
             
Fisher-Price

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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