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Today's jokes [4.10.14]

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After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly 
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a 
minister when I grow up. 

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you 
decide to be a minister?" 

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday 
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than 
to sit still and listen.


A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were 
getting ready to go out on dates. The first 
beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm 
here to pick up Betty. We're going for 
spaghetti, is she ready?" 
No. The second beau came to the door and said, 
"I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to 
the show. Is she ready to go?" 
No. The third beau came to the door and said to 
the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck. 


Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
   Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
   you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
   one will answer.


   A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
   giraffe walked in.
   "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
   your luck?" replied
   the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
   her. Within five
   minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
   lion was drinking in the
   bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
   and can hardly hold
   himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
   down his throat and
   said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
   giraffe, what happened
   after that? Was she all right?"
   The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
   dinner, had a couple
   of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
   night. And oh, man!
   I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
   exhausted?" asked
   the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
   screwing, I must have run a
   thousand miles!"


Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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