Today's jokes [4.10.14]
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After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a
minister when I grow up.
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you
decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than
to sit still and listen.
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were
getting ready to go out on dates. The first
beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm
here to pick up Betty. We're going for
spaghetti, is she ready?"
No. The second beau came to the door and said,
"I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to
the show. Is she ready to go?"
No. The third beau came to the door and said to
the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.
A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
giraffe walked in.
"Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
your luck?" replied
the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
her. Within five
minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
lion was drinking in the
bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
and can hardly hold
himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
down his throat and
said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
giraffe, what happened
after that? Was she all right?"
The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
dinner, had a couple
of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
night. And oh, man!
I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
screwing, I must have run a
Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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