Today's stories [3.7.14]
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Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life
at the Lost and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on
her (the medics said the woman had merely fainted). Says
Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of habit she performed
mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table, too."
The scientists responsible for the first successful cloning
of a mammal say it took years of trial and error. Which is why you
never hear songs by Kennys A through F.
The Roslin lab in Scotland is scheduled for a government budget cut.
"But that won't have much effect," says Michael X. Ferraro. "Once you've
cloned sheep, it's not that difficult to counterfeit money."
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