Today's jokes [3.6.14]

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A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.
A woman was driving down the same road. 
As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the
window and yelled, "Pig!" 
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,
"Bitch!" 
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the
next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the
road.

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to
a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared
for. The next  morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a
tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window
overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after
a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and
straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she
starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and
once more bring her back upright.  This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting
to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it  here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"

How is being at the singles bar different from being at the circus?

At the circus the clowns don't talk...

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if
there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes
back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. 

"Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."

   Nancy goes to the gynecologist and he examines her.
   
   He says, "You have acute vaginitis."
   
   She says, "Thank you."
   

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