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Today's jokes [3.5.14]

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A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to 
his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little 
boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not 
black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?" 

1. 




The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking
round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed
with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of
cigarettes. 
One of the old villagers came up to him and said.
"Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?" 
The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the
wife is fine also as I left her in bed smoking." 
The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!" 

2. 




In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw
a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and
couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her,
and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little
lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake
up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat." 

3. 




How can you tell a drummer's at the door?

The knocking speeds up.

4. 




A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.
One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,
"Don't move -- I'll be right back."
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in 
amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"
"I hiccupped."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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