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Today's jokes [3.4.14]

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A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of 
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with 
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"

One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always 
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size 
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The 
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all 
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI 
THERE LADIES!

1. 




At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20.
Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl
could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed
replied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one." 

2. 




Hmmm?

                      What if Mother Goose had tendencies and propensities

                                 toward verbosity and prolixity?



Jack becomes dexterous,
Jack becomes able to attain high velocity,
Jack forms a trajectory over the illuminating apparatus of
   ozocitereous structure.

Mary was formerly the owner and proprietor of a pygmy Ovis aries,
It possessed an outer wool covering which had the characteristic
   pallidness much like that found in the appearance of crystalline
   precipitation,
And to each point in space that Mary would venture to,
The aforementioned Ovis aries would participate with a high degree of
   certainty.

Diminutive Jack Horner
Was seated at the perpendicular conjunction of three planar surfaces,
Ingesting his baked Yuletide pastry.
He inserted his opposable digit,
And excavated a specimen of genus Prunus,
And remarked, "What a benevolent adolescent I have become!"


Lilliputian damsel Muffet
Was rested upon a squatty seating apparatus,
Ingesting the lacteal substances in her possession.
At this point arrived an arachnid
Which inhabited the immediate vicinity of the maiden,
And, true to the fundamental principles of stimulus and response,
 arose trepidation in the damsel with sufficient efficiency so as
 to induce the aforementioned maiden to change locale.



3. 




A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with 
another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put 
his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. 
Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! 
You're not going to...to...cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, 
with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the 
garage on fire." 



4. 




I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,
after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. 

He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy." 



5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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