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Today's jokes [3.24.14]

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On preparing to return home from an out of town trip,
this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.
Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy
onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his
pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30
minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking
and quivering. 

     'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew? 
     'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man. 
     Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and
     shaking again.. 
     'Are you sure you're alright sir?' 
     'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make.
     I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring
     a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.' 
     'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?' 
     'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!' 

1. 




A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder...the
bartender looks up and says " where the hell did you get that thing?
The Parrot replies " Over in Africa, there's millions of them " !!!!

2. 




Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. 
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that 
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. 

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the 
reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and 
when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to 
manage as best she could."

3. 




A few years  ago some members of the  infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed
an  occupied  one-seat outhouse off  its  foundations,  onto its door.  The
victim tried in vain for a  few minutes to roll the  entire building onto a
different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy.  She then was forced
to climb out through the seat, and over the pit  near the bottom (now side)
of the outhouse.

The followup  to this episode   was that some  `friends'  seized me  in the
middle of the night and tied my feet in a noose  suspended in a tree.   But
that's another story.



4. 




What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? 

     Pull the pin and throw it back.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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