Today's jokes [3.23.14]
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Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by
….swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he began to feel better.
An Unusual Ailment
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The
man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't
believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and
wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe
that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes
yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off.
The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
"Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis
from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are
The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a
very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The
woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?" The
man looks at her and says, "Pepper."
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but
his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm
sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist
who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice,
so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to
be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and
decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As
we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed
a little sign by the side of the track. I tried
to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make
it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round
again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see
what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read
that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached
the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?"
asked the visitor.
"What did it say?"
"Don't stand up in the car!"
Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the first
nun says, "I`ve never come this way before!" and the
second nun says, "Oh, it must be the cobblestone!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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