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Today's jokes [3.22.14]

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    The Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder
   as you get older.
   After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and
   bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11
   Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or
   four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at
   least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9
   Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work.
   I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other
   day. Nick Coleman, age 9
   Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they
   like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I
   asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk.
   Bruce Wagner, age 13
   A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But
   the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. Megan, age
   When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
   atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
   explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they
   are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are
   just to look at, not to really understand. Someday we may discover how
   to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a
   motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Many
   dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to
   be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you
   don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to
   let them know we know they're there. Some oxygen molecules help fires
   burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against


Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.
'What are those knives doing in your car?' asked the officer.
'I juggle them in my act.'
Oh yeah?' says the cop. 'Let's see you do it.'
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, 'Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look
at the test they're making you do now!'


Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously
knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was
as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. 
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you
play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful
tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you
make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." 
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling
over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
-- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.
Just then Paul's date walked out. 

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" 
"To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a little
depressed to me." 


A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian."
She wailed.
"How do you know it was an Italian? The detective asked.
"I had to help him," the girl replied.


John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling. The pastor gets 
up and hugs Mary, and sits down.  He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and 
third time, and then turns to John and says, "See that, John.  Mary needs 
that EVERY DAY!"
John replies, "Well, that's fine, Pastor.  But I can't bring her over here
except on Tuesdays and Thursdays."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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