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Today's jokes [3.20.14]

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A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"
The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you."
"Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"


A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him 
two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is
$10,000." the clerk said. 
"Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?" 
"This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote." 
"And the other?" said the customer. 
"This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in
the back room for $30,000." 
"Holy moly! What does that one do?" 
"Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'." 


Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How much money have you got?


   Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag
   One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked
   in, and said, "good
   morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I'm going to
   give you a word and
   I want you to put it in a sentence for me." She said "Spanky you're
   first. Your word is
   football." Spanky stood up and proudly said " I threw the football,"
   and sat down.
   The teacher said "very good Spanky." Then the teacher said, "Darla,
   you're next. Your
   word is pretty." Darla stood up and said, " I think I'm very pretty!"
   Then she sat down.
   Then the teacher called on Buckwheat. She said, "Buckwheat, you're
   next. Your word is
   dictate." Buckwheat stood up looked at Arial, and said, "Hey Darla!
   How'd my dic tate las


What has two legs, spots, and bleeds? 

Half a cheetah.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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