Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  

Today's jokes [3.19.14]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.


I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted.
I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost.


A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks 'Do you do custom work?'

'Why of course!'

'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my
right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of
my left thigh.'

'No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and get
up on the table.'

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes.
The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.

'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.

'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and I
can prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shop
and grabs the first man off the street he can find;
it happens to be the town drunk.

'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreading
her legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'

The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes
and says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are,
but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!' 


On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close
 to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, "I had a
 dream that someone was pulling on my dick."
The guy on the left says, "I also had a dream that someone was  pulling on my dick."
"The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream that I went skiing."


A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Got
any fresh fruit?"
"Got any fresh vegetables?"
"No. We have only canned and dry goods."

The next day, the duck returns.
"Got any fresh fruit?"
"Got any fresh vegetables?"
"No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry 
goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same 
question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."

On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,"Got any nails?"
"Got any fresh fruit?"


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 March '14 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
               1  2  
3  4  5  6  7  8  9  
10 11 12 13 14 15 16 
17 18 19 20 21 22 23 
24 25 26 27 28 29 30 

Jump to  

For any questions or comments email us at
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.