Today's jokes [3.16.14]
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The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.
"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."
What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?
"The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul."
Good News, Bad News, Worse News V
You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
She keeps interrupting
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something
about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his
girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and
walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good
idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend
entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the
"That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's
This butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was
awakened by strange noises coming from below, so he tiptoed downstairs
and saw his 19-year-old daughter sitting on the chopping block and
masturbating with a liverwurst. The butcher sighed and tiptoed back to
The next morning, when a customer walked in and asked for some
liverwurst, the butcher said that he didn't have any left. The
customer was really annoyed, she pointed to the corner of the shop and
asked, "No liverwurst? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right
The butcher frowned at her. "That", he replied, "is my son-in-law."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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