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Today's jokes [3.12.14]

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Why is "red" the colour of the University of Georgia?

Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet". 

1. 




Why do elephants have 4 feet? 

    -Because 4 inches isn't enough. 

2. 




BUY YUGO WAR BONDS

For $25 US dollars you can invest in the future of a developing
country just out of the clutches of communism.
What your $$$ buyz:  Russian ammo for one freedom fighter for
one month for the ethnic clensing!
Their motto:  I wanns be like Ike!  A little behind the times, BUT!
They model themselves after the US of A.
They want to establish a land- first ridding themselves of
undesireables (like the US did against the native inhabitants)
Why not? What's good enough for US is good enuff for them!

3. 




If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy
a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd
still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000
pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw
enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the
space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster
that let's you control how light or dark you want your toast
to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters,
but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread
only works with their toasters.

4. 




What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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