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Today's jokes [2.8.14]

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Q: What is worse than a dead dog on your piano?
A: An infected pussy on your organ.


What's sicker than sick?

masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....


A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were 
asked if they would ever sleep with President 
Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'


A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride
if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will
never open. The bride agrees.

After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has
been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000.

She confronts her mate with her findings, and asks for an
explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you,
I put a golf ball in the drawer."

She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad. But what about the
$6,000? He explains "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls,
I sold 'em!" 


   Magician and Parrot
   A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
   would be
   different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same
   tricks over and over
   again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows
   each week and
   began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he
   understood he started
   shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"
   "Look, he is hiding the
   flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades
   ?" The magician
   was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's
   One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself
   on a piece of wood
   in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
   each other with hate,
   but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
   After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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