Today's jokes [2.7.14]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
The Indy 500.
A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group
of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them:
"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up,
you hook up. When you go out the door, yell 'Geronimo!' and
wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, get in the plane."
After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and began
shoving the troops out the door. Just after the last trooper
exited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someone
knocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping
his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked him
in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?
The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no
time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted
his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level
"Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and
slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."
It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber
eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces
smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner
At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans
desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was
extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin
to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess
that he had been gigged!
A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very
well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment
for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he
asked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss. Her reply was "At a
time like this you want me to change positions?"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28