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Today's jokes [2.7.14]

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What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? 

    The Indy 500. 

1. 




A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group
of new troops on making a proper jump.  He told them:
"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up,
you hook up. When you go out the door, yell 'Geronimo!' and 
wait for your shoot to open. Got It?  Good, get in the plane."
After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and began
shoving the troops out the door.  Just after the last trooper
exited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someone
knocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping 
his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked him
in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?

2. 




The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no 
time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted 
his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level 
managers.

"Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and 
slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."

3. 




It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber
eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces
smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner
tracing.

At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans
desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was
extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin
to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess
that he had been gigged!



4. 




A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very
well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment
for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he
asked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss. Her reply was "At a
time like this you want me to change positions?" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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