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Today's jokes [2.27.14]

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   "Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a
   minute ago, and he
   splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right
   crutch! Then he splashed
   some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch!" "My boy,
   you've witnessed a
   miracle! What happened then?" "He fell on his ass Father he's a
   cripple you know!"
   


1. 




A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in 
arm in arm...

2. 




What does an elephant use as a vibrator? 

     An epilectic. 

3. 




Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.


4. 




    Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's
   got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,
   "What's in the bags?"
   "Sand," answered Juan.
   The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike."
   The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and
   finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the
   sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in
   the bags.
   The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto
   the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
   A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you
   got?"
   "Sand," says Juan.
   The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
   contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan
   crosses the border on his bicycle.
   This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years.
   Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a
   Cantina in Mexico.
   "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something.
   It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about.....
   I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
   Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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