Today's jokes [2.21.14]
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Woman, "Slow down, foreplay is an art."
Man, "Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon,
I'm going to spill my paint!"
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front
porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy
godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be
granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really
** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful
*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of
"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than
anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak,
he saunters across the porch in his catlike way and whispers in her
ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered, aren't you?"
A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following
sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."
Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see. Fun
period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!"
A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes.
"Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them.
"Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.
A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping.
His tears are streaming down his cheeks.
An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him.
"What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?"
"It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four
little kittens we had yesterday!"
"That's awful indeed !", the lady replied angrily, "Your
father is a real bastard!'
"Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that
I could do it."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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