Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [2.14.14]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in 
the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The 
bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's 
too cold. The accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. 
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the 
Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being 
cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we 
can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We 
have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss 
the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone 
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

1. 




God, I was  wondering...how long is a  million years to you?"
God answered, "Son,  a million years to me is like a second to you."
So the man asks, "God  how much is a million dollars to you?"
And God  answered, "Son a  million dollars to me is like one penny to 
you."
So the man asks, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God  answers, "Just a  second son."



2. 




Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. 
When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other 
and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?"
The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play 
with!" 

3. 




Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year
old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San
Francisco to Washington. 

"For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you
and raped you!" 

"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him
down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to
Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for
sexually transmitted diseases." 

4. 




What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 U.S. leader 


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 February '14 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
                  1  
2  3  4  5  6  7  8  
9  10 11 12 13 14 15 
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 
23 24 25 26 27 28 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.