Today's stories [1.3.14]

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I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow
me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would
tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker
(who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending
to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a
few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you
doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple
of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you
think you're going?"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old
next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come
over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. 
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?  He
replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T
error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.  'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it
out.'          
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T   

I used to like Eric, the little bastard.

An Obituary printed in the London Times........ Interesting and sadly
rather true.


'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since
his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be
remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to
come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't
always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
  
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).
  
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but
could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have
an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as some churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a
beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home
and the burglar could sue you for assault.
  
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her
lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust his
wife, Discretion his daughter, Responsibility his son, Reason He is
survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone
Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

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