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Today's stories [1.29.14]

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There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients 
always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., 
regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some 
even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one 
could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on 
Sundays. So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the 
cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 
a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for 
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding 
wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil 
spirits. Just when the clock struck 11..! . Pookie Johnson, The part-time 
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so 
that he could! ! ! ! use the vacuum cleaner.

1. 




Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of 
peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running 
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably 
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was 
Ms. Robertson's son.

2. 




Some time ago I was hosting a State Dinner, when at the last minute my 
regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement on short 
notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking 
man named John. I voiced my concerns to my Chief of Staff but was told 
that this was the best they could do at such short notice, according 
to the Head of the Household Staff.

Unbeknown to me, but later reported, the following events occurred. 
Just before the meal, the Chief of Staff noticed the cook sticking his 
fingers  in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the Head 
of the Household Staff about the cook, but he was told that this man 
was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay but I was sure that the soup tasted a little off, 
and by the time dessert came, I was starting to have stomach cramps 
and nausea. It was getting worse and worse, until finally I had to 
excuse myself from the State Dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing 
through the kitchen, I caught sight of the cook, John, scratching his 
rear end and this made me feel even worse. By now I was desperately 
ill with violent cramps and was so disoriented that I couldn't 
remember which door led to the bathroom.

I was on the verge of passing out from the pain when I finally found a 
door that opened and as I undid my trousers and ran in, I realized to 
my horror that I had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with my 
trousers around my knees.

As I was just about to pass out, Monica bent over me and heard her 
President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."

And that your Honor, is how the whole misunderstanding started.


3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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