Today's jokes [1.9.14]
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Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
Copious quantities in all urban areas.
1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come
into contact with each other.
What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?
Nothing, you told her twice.
Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!
So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail
in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He
unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up
this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down
nails away, that his friend came over. "Eh, what you doing? How come
you're throwing away all those nails?" he asked. "Because they're upside
down," the friend replied. The other guy looks at the friend, then, after
some thought, says, "You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!"
What's 3 feet tall and gives me head?
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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