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Today's jokes [1.8.14]

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What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name.

1. 




A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard.  One of the blonde men walked in the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,
"A long time.  We're gonna build a house."

2. 




There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a 
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION 
ALL" and farts loudly. 

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at 
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my 
wife." 

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

3. 




A son comes to his dad and says:
- Dad, i gotta tell you something
- Ok, Quick and clear!
- 100 bucks

4. 




I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex for a while.
My friend reassured me that I won't forget it, cuz sex is
like riding a bicycle.
I know it's been a while, but I don't ever remember pedaling... 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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