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Today's jokes [1.7.14]

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Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd
had the previous night with this bloke she brought home.
"Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked 
"The bastard called me a slut!" Mary said.
"And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked.
"I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eight
mates with him!" Mary said.


1. 




   Titicons
   (.)(.) tiny tits
   (o) (o) regular tits
   ( O )( O ) big tits
   ( @ ) ( @ ) big harry tits
   ( ' ) ( ' ) perky tits
   {.} {.} shriveled tits
   ( , ) ( , ) drippy tits
   [ _ ] [ _ ] android tits
   ( # ) ( # ) Tysoned tits
   


2. 




This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an 
antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of 
crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing 
the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish 
genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy 
thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:, "I want to be white and 
surrounded by cunt."
In an instant he is turned into a tampon.
Now the morale of this story is:
Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.


3. 




                             Iraqi vs. American
     
   
  Average Iraqi

    Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of
    the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors

  Average American

    Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme
    park

  Average Iraqi

    Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation

  Average American

    Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards

  Average Iraqi

    Lines up by the thousands to die for country

  Average American

    Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty

  Average Iraqi

    Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo
    by West

  Average American

    Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include
    McCookies

  Average Iraqi

    Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise

  Average American

    Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the
    ground, you die

  Average Iraqi

    Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest

  Average American

    Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip

  Average Iraqi

    Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius

  Average American

    Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein
  


4. 




Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?

A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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