Today's jokes [1.31.14]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to
collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale.
"No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to
convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her
"No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"
Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?
Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?
Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and
Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys
asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate
us out of house and home."
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT
now! I won it, and I want it."
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I
WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20
million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!
What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
John Denver made it alive out of Aspen.
Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
Not yet, but he's done one about the tree: "I'm Still Standing"
How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy?
Check the family tree.
A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was a second tree at
What do Michael and JFK Jr's magazine "George" have in common?
New bumper sticker...."Plant A Tree....Kill A Kennedy...."
What will it take to reunite the four Kennedy brothers?
A1: One more bullet.
A2: A season lift pass.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31