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Today's jokes [1.3.14]

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Why are girls like pianos?

When they're not upright, they're grand...

1. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News VI
 
  Good: 
        Your wife's not talking to you
   Bad: 
        She wants a divorce
 Worse: 
        She's a lawyer

2. 




Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That 
evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 
point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing 
that Sam had returned alone.

"He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left 
him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."

3. 




Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress.
 How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then
held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old
man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.




4. 




I have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless
to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some
pretty funny jokes.  One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is
to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour
a bucket of extreeeemmmlly cold water on them over the top of the
shower curtain.  This is quite a shocking experience, and if you are
fast enough you can get away before the victim finds out you did it.

I remember one guy I lived with getting this all the time.  One time
he got sick of putting up with it and jumped out of the shower into
the hall squirting shampoo at everyone in sight.  The next time this
happened the guys were ready with a camera to take pictures of him as
he ran out of the bathroom.  These pictures were later shown at his
bachelor party.



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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