Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [1.26.14]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


What's the definition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

1. 




A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall 
that says, "$500 if we fail to fill your order." 
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly 
writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he 
hears an explosion of voices. 
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen and up to the 
customer's table. He slaps down five $100 bills in front of the man. 
"You got me this time, buddy," he says, "but I want you to know this -- 
that's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread." 


2. 




During an Army war game, a commanding officer's
jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men
lounging around nearby and asked them to help
him get unstuck. 

"Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've
been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't
contribute in any way." 

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a
couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them
under the wheels to give us some traction."


3. 




Hungry Snake 


Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon 
realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he
happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a 
worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him 
of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no 
lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer
down his throat and went about his fishing. 


An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. 
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms 
in his mouth... 



4. 




   This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
   so he went to the
   doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
   sex, to stick his
   finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
   smell would cause his
   hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
   decided to make his
   move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
   in her pussy, and then
   rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
   to stiffen. Amazed, he
   decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
   in her pussy, then
   rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
   erect. He decided to
   try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
   around under his nose.
   Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
   "Honey, quick
   turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
   with his dick standing
   tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
   said, "Looks like the
   worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 January '14 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
         1  2  3  4  
5  6  7  8  9  10 11 
12 13 14 15 16 17 18 
19 20 21 22 23 24 25 
26 27 28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.