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Today's jokes [1.21.14]

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A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving 
himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in.  The boy, 
seeing the young Lt.'s green uniform asks him if he was in the 
Army.  The Lt. smiles and say's, "Why yes I am...you wanna 
wear my hat?"  The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head.  
As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door 
slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in.  
He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down 
his chest.  The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, "Hey, are 
you a Marine?"  The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and 
responded, "That's right!  Why?  Do wanna suck me off?"  The 
boy replied nervously, "I-I-I'm not in the Army!!  I'm just 
wearing his hat!!"

Sent by Brian

1. 




What is the difference between a dog and a fox? 

Eight beers. 

2. 




What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter
dick?

Nothing....  They all make your eyes water.

3. 




THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, 
SOPHIA, AND HARRIET.  GERTRUDE SAID, "I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE
A BATH."  SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE
HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB.  SHE SAID "WAS
I GOING INTO THE TUB, OR COMING OUT OF THE TUB?"  SOPHIA AND HARRIET WERE 
DOWNSTAIRS CHATTING WITH EACH OTHER, WHEN SOPHIA SAID, "YOU KNOW, 
GERTRUDE'S BEEN UP THERE FOR QUITE A WHILE, I'D BETTER GO CHECK ON HER."  
AS SHE WAS GOING UP THE STAIRS SHE STOPPED AND TURNED AROUND AND SAID, "WAS
I GOING UP THE STAIRS, OR COMING DOWN THE STAIRS?"  HARRIET WAS LEFT 
SITTING AT THE TABLE BY HERSELF.  AFTER SHE HEARD SOPHIA'S REMARK SHE SAID,
"THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT THAT BAD KNOCK ON WOOD."  "WAS THAT THE FRONT DOOR 
OR THE BACK DOOR?"

4. 




Q: What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind?
A: The roof of his mouth.


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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