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Today's jokes [1.17.14]

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This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one
at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked 
and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's
house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."


Whats the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vaccum? 

     - With a vaccum, the dirtbags on the inside 


Q: What's the differenc between a blond and a mosquito?

A: A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.


One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved
into the house next door. He was also quick to notice
that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually
in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of
breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much
as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could
stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's
house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man,
opened the door.
"Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how
beautiful your wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts
are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears
and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a
few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside.
"OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss
my wife's tits."
At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire
hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub
his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes,
until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he
"I can't" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars."


Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
Girl: Why thank you!
Boy: Of course, if I was on you...I would becoming too!


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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