Today's jokes [1.15.14]
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Q. What's an Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!
A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"
The day after a man lost his wife in a boating accident, he was
greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have
some information about your wife."
"Well, tell me!" the man said.
The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some
really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."
"Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering
what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two
five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."
"If that's the good news than what's the great news?!" Mr. Wilkens
The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow
Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?
They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.
What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive?
- Popeye almost killed him.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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