Today's jokes [1.14.14]
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The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of
the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse
falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go
and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to
the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's
Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He
then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I
think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah?"
-About three inches.
They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf in his underpants.
They're for grass roots support.
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being
introduced to other
members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that
old man asleep
in the chair by the fire- place? He is our oldest member and can tell
you some hunting
stories you'll never forget."
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
"Well," he began,
"I remember back in '44', we went on a lion hunting expedition in
Africa. We were on foot
and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I
was so tired I had to
rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on
the tree, and fell
asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a
noise in the
bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen
jumped out of the
bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!......' I
tell you, I
just shit my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame
you, I would have
shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his
head and said, "No,
no, not then, just now when I said
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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