Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [1.14.14]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of 
the town tavern.

"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven 
one day."

"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

1. 




A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse
   falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go
   and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to
   the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's
   Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He
   then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
   drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
   A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
   again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
   the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I
   think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of
   the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And
   the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
   The moral of the story:
   If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
   chicks.


2. 




What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah?"

    -About three inches.

3. 




They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf in his underpants.
They're for grass roots support.

4. 




   One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being
   introduced to other
   members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that
   old man asleep
   in the chair by the fire- place? He is our oldest member and can tell
   you some hunting
   stories you'll never forget."
   They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
   "Well," he began,
   "I remember back in '44', we went on a lion hunting expedition in
   Africa. We were on foot
   and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I
   was so tired I had to
   rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on
   the tree, and fell
   asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a
   noise in the
   bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen
   jumped out of the
   bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!......' I
   tell you, I
   just shit my pants."
   The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame
   you, I would have
   shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his
   head and said, "No,
   no, not then, just now when I said
   'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!'"
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 January '14 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
         1  2  3  4  
5  6  7  8  9  10 11 
12 13 14 15 16 17 18 
19 20 21 22 23 24 25 
26 27 28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.