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Today's jokes [1.11.14]

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Mommy,mommy:can I play with grandma?

               Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek!



                mommy,mommy:I hate daddyis guts.

                 shut up kid and keep eating.


sent by omar


1. 




An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down 
below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the 
mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the 
mouse says: "Tail gunner to pilot...Tail gunner to pilot.."
The eagle says "what do you want?"
The mouse asks how high up they are.
The eagle thinks for a moment and then says "ohh about 5,000 ft."
The mouse then replies "You wouldn't be shittin me now would ya??"

2. 




   Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set
   off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite
   the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy,
   points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"
   
   His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
   
   "No, at the other end."
   
   "That, son is the tail."
   
   "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."
   
   A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing."
   
   The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied
   with her answer, asks his father the same question.
   
   "Daddy, what is that long thing?"
   
   "That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
   
   "No at the other end."
   
   "Oh, that is the tail."
   
   "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
   
   "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
   
   "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
   
   Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."
   


3. 




What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

4. 




My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it
hurt!..................

So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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