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Today's jokes [1.10.14]

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How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? 

     - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out. 

1. 




There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to 
the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was
being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this 
kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said 
to her papal neighbour. 'Father, surely you can 
do something about this...'
To which the Pope replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in 
sales, not management.'

2. 




Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One 
notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.
He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man 
replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."

3. 




What came first, the chicken or the egg? 

     - I'd have to say it was the rooster! 

4. 




Two neighbors had been fighting each other for
nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and
teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. 

So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the
bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a
half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being
ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front
of Bill's house. 

Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the
18-wheeler. 
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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