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Today's jokes [9.9.13]

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While in prison O.J. had another prisoner join him in his
cell. This person was 8' tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle.
He asked O.J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. 
Now O.J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind "OK
if I say I'm going to be the wife, this guy is going to fuck
me in the ass." So O.J. said he was going to be the husband. 
The other prisoner said, OK O.J. your the husband. Now get
over here and suck your wife's dick." 

1. 




Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? 

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same 
service.

2. 




    A local United Way office realized that it had never
   received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person
   in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
   "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000,
   you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the
   community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and
   replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying
   after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her
   annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no."
   "-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a
   wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an
   apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a
   traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving
   her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way rep,
   completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the
   lawyer cut him off once again: "-so if I don't give any money to them,
   why should I give any to you?"


3. 




Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,
"Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No", said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"



4. 




Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book    - The Sex Life of the Elephant
                 or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book   - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book     - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and
                     culture
                 or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book  - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book  - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book     - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book   - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book    - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book     - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went
                     With His Elephants
The Canadian book  - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book   - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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