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Today's jokes [9.8.13]

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If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.

1. 




A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her 
senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious 
problems." 
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my 
child and I'll love it regardless." 
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." 
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." 
"And it hasn't got any arms either." 
"What?" 
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, 
your child is only a very, very big ear." 
The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her 
son.
"Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?"
"There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."

2. 




   An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing
   hand, and one
   missing eye goes into a bar.
   The sailor sitting next to him says, "You're really in bad shape. What
   happened to your
   leg?"
   "I fell overboard," says the Captain, "and before my mates could pull
   me aboard, a shark
   bit it off."
   "Terrible," says the sailor. "And what happened to your hand?"
   "We attacked a man-o'-war," says the Captain, "and one of the
   attackees chopped it off
   with a saber."
   "Awful," says the sailor. "And how did you lose your eye?"
   "Seagull droppings," says the Captain.
   "Amazing," says the sailor. "I didn't know seagull droppings could put
   your eye out."
   "Can't," says the Captain. "But it was my first day with the hook."
   


3. 




Two men were talking to each other about how pussy taste.
The first guy said"I think it taste like cherry pie".The
other guy said "I think it taste like shit".Then
the first guy said "you are supposed to turn her over".

Sent by Don Chamberlin

4. 




Question: What is every Amish
      woman's private fantasy?

       Answer: Two Mennonite!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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