Today's jokes [9.27.13]
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Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber cuts his
hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his
money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber
shop. The barber finishes and comes back.
As Cronin hands him a twenty-dollar bill, he says, "Listen, it's...it's
none of my business, but...why would you take a piss in the corner of your
The barber says, "Hey, my lease is up in two weeks...do I care?"
The barber goes over to the cash register, rings up the haircut, and comes
back with Cronin's change. When he comes back, Cronin's standing there
taking a shit on the floor.
The barber says, "What are you doing?"
Cronin says, "Well, fuck, I'm leaving now."
A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minor
heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his
cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The
cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your
heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll
be the best thing you can do for your recovery."
So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what
the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's
wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of
lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy
said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "there is some asshole out there who wants to buy
only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the
man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy
and said, "you almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed
with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here.
Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota sir".
"Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just
whores and hockey players up there." The manager was shocked and replied "My wife is from
The boy answered, "Really! What team did she play for?"
What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole?
A 40ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about
20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart"?. No reply.
Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply.
5' and not a word.
A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey"?
His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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